


Of All The Things You Didn't Ask For

by theauthor2010



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-11
Updated: 2011-04-11
Packaged: 2017-10-17 22:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/181951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theauthor2010/pseuds/theauthor2010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One Shot. Santana never asked to be a lesbian. She also never asked for the harassment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of All The Things You Didn't Ask For

_"Lopez the Lesbo, should have known..."_

 _"I don't want a dyke watching me change."_

 _"Are you guys really surprised that the school's biggest slut is a homo cunt-eater?"_

In the moment, all Santana could think of was the fact that she had used those slurs before. She had called Coach Sylvester "the raging dyke" in a fit of anger earlier in the year, she had called Kurt a homo too many times to count and she had even spread a rumor that Sarah Jacobs was having an affair with the "lesbo" PE teacher of the very class she was supposed to be getting dressed for. She was no better than them and yet the words hurt and confused her. Nobody was supposed to know. She stared at the girls in shock. A couple of these girls had once respected and looked up to her, a couple barely registered but they all looked at her with disgust. "I don't understand what's going on," she muttered, lying through her teeth and looking down. "I'm not any of those things..."

"It's all over," taunted the leader of the pack, a plus-sized girl with dark wavy brown hair. Santana could not even remember her name; the girl was just not on her radar in any way, shape or form. "Michelle Reeves saw you tell Brittany you _loved_ her. The whole school knows what a fucking lesbo you are and I for one am not gonna let some chick like you stare at me changing. Get the hell out of here.”

Several of the other girls nodded in agreement and Santana stammered out her half-assed comeback. "Even if I was...a lesbo...your fat ass would be the last I'd look at." She was trying her best to keep her cool but she was internally panicking. Oh God, they all knew. They all knew what a fucked up mess she was. Was Brittany ever really worth this? Tears threatened but Santana Lopez did not cry. She did not ever cry.

"I said the _fuck_ out of here!" the girl yelled, shoving her back. She stumbled, holding her breath. She was too stunned to fight as the larger girl slammed her out of the locker room entrance. She stumbled; cornered and unsure, she didn’t know what to do. She broke down and left the room, rushing out of the locker room and down the hall. She didn’t even know where she was going until she hit the bathroom.

 

Her knees hit cold tile as she found a momentary safety. Oh god. They all knew. It was around the school. They all knew what a queer she was and how she loved Brittany and they’d start hurting Brittany too and she could not live with Brittany being hurt for her sake. She could not live with Brittany suffering. She couldn’t be that dyke; she couldn’t be hated; she couldn’t handle this.

 

“Santana…”

 

Oh god. She looked up but she knew the voice before her eyes even lifted. Of all people, Rachel Berry was standing in front of her in a stupid sweater and…PE shorts. “I was in the locker room changing when I heard what those girls said to you, Santana,” she whispered, confirming her fears.  She looked very uncomfortable and oh god, there was definitely a look of pity in her eyes. She was not going to take pity from Rachel. The girl stepped a little bit closer. “I’m so sorry. I yelled at them but there wasn’t really much else that I could do. We live in such a homophobic place and even though my dads have been harassed, sometimes it just floors me…”

 

“I’m not gay,” she whimpered, but it sounded more like a lie than it ever had.

 

“It’s alright Santana,” Rachel said, going down to her knees next to the other girl. She seemed a little bit scared. Normally Santana would have been amused by the fact that she scared Rachel, but it wasn’t okay right then. Nothing was okay right then. “You didn’t ask for this…”

"That’s the point! I didn't ask for this!" she wailed, clutching the other girl's stupid sweater and not caring for a second who saw. Her life, her reputation, they were both already destroyed and the dam had burst. She was a big fat slutty lesbian who could dish it but couldn't take it. Her heart was breaking and the only comfort was coming from Rachel, someone she was supposed to hate.  "I didn't ask to love her! I didn't want to fall for her; I didn't want to be different. It's not my fault that the only person I want to be with lacks a dick. It's not my fault!"

"I know," Rachel said firmly, sounding stronger than the whiny little thing ever had. When had she grown a backbone? Probably around the time that Santana had completely lost hers. The entire world was upside down. Brilliant. "It's not a choice, Santana. You didn't ask for it or choose it. You were born that way."

"Oh god, please don't go all Lady Gaga on me, Berry," she snapped but a whimper escaped her lips that betrayed her hurt. She was hurting so badly that she would do anything to make it stop hurting. "Everyone treated me like some kind of pervert..."

"My dad dealt with the same thing when he played baseball in college," Rachel said softly. "The jocks kind of tormented him. He said that he never even showered because he was afraid they'd accuse him of looking."

Normally, Santana would have told Rachel just where to shove her gay dad anecdote, but she was desperate. "What did he do?" she asked, trying to sound as detached as she possibly could. She tried her best to sound as though she simply did not care.

"Nothing." Rachel looked at Santana awkwardly, her face washed with honest-to-God pity. Ugh even Berry was looking at her with pity in her eyes. Nothing was good anymore; nothing was sacred. "I think he always kind of regret not doing anything about the harassment though. I think you should go talk to Principal Figgins or...maybe Coach Beiste since I know she directs a lot of the athletics department in the football off-season."

"They won't care," Santana said quickly, knowing Rachel wouldn't object. "I mean, look at Kurt. He's a tough ass bitch but he had to run to be safe. Nobody flinched with all that he was going through. In the real world, bein' gay kinda means you deserve it."

Santana gaped as Rachel hugged her. She didn't do anything though; she just sat there and let Rachel hug her while she cried. She let the tears fall, shaking her head from side to side. "I am so scared," she admitted softly.

 

Rachel hugged her tightly, not letting go for the longest time. Santana let the other girl hug her even though she felt stupid, idiotic and worse than ever. She hurt so much and all she could keep repeating was that she didn’t ask for it, she didn’t want it and it hurt.

 


End file.
